Reporting, with Children

bird-of-paradise1

Former soldier Lisa Pagan has gotten a lot of coverage for reporting for her Army reactivation…with her two children along. She’s been granted a discharge, but the story’s got me thinking. What are the least ideal jobs for bringing the kids to work?

I certainly wouldn’t want to report for the cross-country Iditarod dog-sled race with my kids. Not sure, but aren’t child safety seats required for all sleds with teams of 4 or more? And, if so, what’s the rule now—8 years or 80 pounds? I don’t know about you, but I’m having trouble keeping track.

I’m also thinking that as impressive as wildlife documentary photography may be, it wouldn’t be ideal to show up for your Planet Earth rain forest assignment with your kids along. It’s hard enough to hole up in a camouflaged duck blind for 2 weeks waiting for the Superb Bird of Paradise’s crazy 25-second mating dance, but imagine killing all that time while also trying to discourage your kid from sticking who-knows-what kind of exotic and potentially cancer-curing seed pod up his nose. And the number of Goldfish crackers you’d have to bring along to keep the kid quiet—it’s got to be in the hundreds of thousands.

“Bring Your Child to Work” day’s got to be fun at NASA’s Mission Control. Unless, of course, the shuttle happens to be launching that day, in which case all employees are issued a gross of glow-in-the-dark, wrist-cinching zip ties and an extra large roll of child-restraining duct tape.

In closing, I’m sure that before he died, the late Evil Kneivel rethought his decision to report to work with his now daredevil son Robby in tow. Just imagine their father/son chats:

“Hey Dad, remember that time you set the World Record for breaking 35 bones all in one stunt?”

“You betcha, Robby.”

“You’re the coolest Dad ever. Hey, what would you think about me someday attempting a death-defying motorcycle leap over the fire-spewing Mirage Casino volcano with only my helmet and my stars and stripes white leather pantsuit as protective gear?”

“Sounds great, son, but don’t worry—If you broke my record, nobody’d be prouder of you than me.”

Got any other job ideas? Send me a comment!

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