When life serves you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Instead, write poetry!
Long distance friend Jessie Stein did just that when she found that her laundry had been boosted from the laundramat. Sad, but inspiring. Her concluding laundry curse in this poem reminds me of the loads I’ve washed and dried, only to discover too late that someone in the family left chapstick/crayons/a pen in his (maybe her) pants pocket. Reading Jessie’s poem I’m now wondering, were the subsequent stains natural consequences of irresponsibility or some kind of cosmic retribution?
In either case, I wish you good luck on compiling your new wardrobe, Jessie. I feel for you, girl!
Ode to a Laundry Thief
by Jessie Stein
may be cause for concern,
but frugal shopping at Goodwill
is a skill that you should learn.
The depth of your treachery
is yet to be revealed.
But I have to ask the question:
What did your perfidy yield?
What will you do with five pairs of pants
that may not be your size?
And were my ragged PJ pants
a truly worthwhile prize?
If you will just confess,
I will go easy on you:
One year of rotten laundry-luck
is the retribution that you’re due.
May your left socks disappear
and all your whites turn gray,
May your favorite sweater shrink,
and your jeans’ hems fray.
I hope your laundry quarters roll
just beyond your reach,
And may your bright green peacoat
have a run-in with the bleach.