Wizarding spells that, were they real, would be awfully handy around the house

harry potter

  1. Verdi grassimatum – instantly regrows grass in the 4′ x 20′ spot where I pulled up an entire trashcan full of ivy last weekend.
  2. Maximus levitoweloria – lifts kids’ wet towels from the bathroom floor, moves them up 2 feet, and hangs them on handy, but strangely underused bathroom hooks.
  3. Pup emergencia – lets my dog out in the middle of the night while I dream, pleasantly, of an entire evening uninterrupted by weeping, antsy animals.
  4. Notanotha pizzaratore – randomly selects and whips up a crowd-pleasing homemade meal that in no way resembles pizza, bagel melt, grilled cheese, quesadillas, nachos, mac and cheese, or any other starchy, bread-like ingredient covered with melted cheese item.
  5. Snuffaclutterismos – busts annoying piles of laundry, bedding, books, papers, and assorted clutter left around house by short, mischievous elves, ages 11 and 9, who are themselves under the Omnisomnulence charm, wherein any mention of chores makes them instantly so drowsy that they lose all ability to function coherently.

Still in the middle of my Harry Potter marathon. Can you tell?



  1. Craig S. said,

    July 20, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    That’s hilarious!

  2. Lorraine said,

    July 22, 2009 at 8:53 am

    I could really use “Snuffaclutterismos” around here, in my classroom …I need the stoppahordissma spell!

    • scheirmad said,

      July 22, 2009 at 4:28 pm

      My new one is “Speedius Readiamus”–I have Harry Potter #5 and #6 to read before we see the new movie on Saturday for Craig’s birthday!

  3. Craig S. said,

    July 24, 2009 at 9:18 am

    How about a spell to get rid of bothersome ghosts: “Harold-a-Ramis”

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