Mean Girls

Dear Mom’s blog-o-buddies,

I’m 9 years old, and I have a problem. I have a friend who keeps telling me what other people think of me, and—let me tell you—it’s not good. My ‘friend’ told me that one of the girls in the neighborhood only likes to play with me because she likes my toys. And she said that another girl she knows just thinks I’m weird.

My dad says that the friend who keeps passing on bad news to me should keep her trap shut. My mom says that some girls are moody and kind of exclusive about who can be in their circle of friends and that makes them act unkindly to other people. My brother pretty much can’t stand any of my friends because once, one of them went into his room, stole his Rubik’s cube, and wrecked it.

What should I do?

Signed,

Feeling more insecure by the moment

(Insecure, that is, not unlike my mom, who had her share of mean girl medicine back when she was a kid and still gets a case of the galloping insecurities whenever someone says something to her like, “I’m so glad you stopped wearing baggy clothes” or “I’m not sure if it’s because of the way you make it, but turkey doesn’t seem to agree with me anymore.”)

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Guest Posting – Jessie Stein’s “Ode to a Laundry Thief”

laundry-machines-out-of-service-eyeographyWhen life serves you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Instead, write poetry!

Long distance friend Jessie Stein did just that when she found that her laundry had been boosted from the laundramat. Sad, but inspiring. Her concluding laundry curse in this poem reminds me of the loads I’ve washed and dried, only to discover too late that someone in the family left chapstick/crayons/a pen in his (maybe her) pants pocket. Reading Jessie’s poem I’m now wondering, were the subsequent stains natural consequences of irresponsibility or some kind of cosmic retribution?

In either case, I wish you good luck on compiling your new wardrobe, Jessie. I feel for you, girl!

Ode to a Laundry Thief
by Jessie Stein

Economic lethargy
may be cause for concern,
but frugal shopping at Goodwill
is a skill that you should learn.

The depth of your treachery
is yet to be revealed.
But I have to ask the question:
What did your perfidy yield?

What will you do with five pairs of pants
that may not be your size?
And were my ragged PJ pants
a truly worthwhile prize?

If you will just confess,
I will go easy on you:
One year of rotten laundry-luck
is the retribution that you’re due.

May your left socks disappear
and all your whites turn gray,
May your favorite sweater shrink,
and your jeans’ hems fray.

I hope your laundry quarters roll
just beyond your reach,
And may your bright green peacoat
have a run-in with the bleach.

Top Ten Things that Jack Bauer and Abby Stewart Have in Common

tinkerbell

Just got back from a weekend away with 20 of my friends, including the truly delightful Abby (oops, I mean ‘Gabby’) Stewart, whose life would not be complete without a mention on this very blog. So, without further fanfare, I give you the top ten things that Abby has in common with this blog’s favorite kick-butt, declining viewership, not long for this world action icon, Jack Bauer:

  1. Bicep Tinkerbell Tattoo, with matching handcrafted sweat band
  2. Tube socks in a variety of fashion colors
  3. Deep cover pink fairy wings
  4. Willingness to log roll into the face of death without any concern for personal safety
  5. Able to scale 50,000 degree rock wall in record-shattering time
  6. Stealth flamingo flocker
  7. Frequently postpones personal bathroom needs out of dedication to the greater good
  8. Fueled by Blow Pops
  9. Trademark word choice, as in “If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already, yo.”
  10. Makes all personal, ethical, and national security decisions based on the motto, “What would Lyma do?”